My current state of mind

In looking back at my posts, I realize how dark and sad the tone is. They are written from the heart and in the moment. I am generally an upbeat, positive, glass half full kind of person. I don't like to dwell on the negative. Many years ago, I was prone to that and found…Read more My current state of mind


Life follows Death

For weeks following Lynn’s death, I passed through each day in a fog. Her loss was so disorienting to me that I became forgetful and preoccupied. I stopped caring about many things that seemed to have become trivial. Other things became more clearly important, particularly friends and family. I couldn’t seem to be on time…Read more Life follows Death

I hate …

anyone who was ever mean or hateful to you. any boyfriend you ever had that wasn't me. anyone who made you feel small or caused you pain. not hearing your voice. that I can't hold you. not hearing your laugh. feeling that I am alone. that you will never meet your grandchildren. any pain you…Read more I hate …


The act of dying

It was like a bad dream watching Lynn die, and I couldn’t do anything about it. There was no revelation, no feeling of a spirit or soul leaving her body. There were no angels or column of light from heaven. She just stopped breathing. I had never thought about this process before, but I expected it…Read more The act of dying


She’s Gone

We probably spent a couple of weeks trying to understand the ramifications of either decision. It really finally came down to how Lynn wanted to live out her short, precious time. It was an easy choice for me, but I think it was something that was hard for Lynn to comprehend. She was going to…Read more She’s Gone


It’s back

A few uneventful weeks went by after Lynn returned home from the last hospitalization. There were doctor visits and MRIs and PET scans and physical therapy, so we were a bit busy. Mostly the focus was on Lynn resting, eating and regaining strength and health. We had short visits from family and friends. Nothing too…Read more It’s back


My life

During all this time of Lynn's treatments, my life had also changed. It wasn't just the cancer and the treatment. My life was so focused on helping manage Lynn's life that mine faded into the background. In some ways I had never felt closer to Lynn. Other ways, I never felt so distant. Lynn was…Read more My life