I don’t know what happened this morning. I was up early, getting ready for work and I started to feel anxious and panicky. I’ve been overly emotional for a few days and I had been having some dark thoughts. For the last couple of days I have been feeling overwhelmed and lonely. I couldn’t shake these feeling and began to consider calling someone for help. I calmed myself enough to call in to work. I found some Lorazepam that I had for emergencies like this and took one. Thank you, Doc. After a while I could feel the panic subsiding and I was able to rest a bit. I don’t like having to use a “crutch” but it certainly helped me out of a bad situation. I was able to schedule a meeting with my grief counselor for tomorrow.
This all caught me completely off guard. I was feeling somewhat better lately, but this sure knocked the confidence out of me. I know that grief will visit in different ways and at different times throughout the process. I just wasn’t expecting to get punched in the gut like this. I usually work through things on my own, but this felt uncontrollable. It scared me. Hoping for a better night and tomorrow.