I haven’t written you in a while and thought you would like to know how things are going. My days are still up and down and I still have my “numb” days, but they seem to be less frequent. I’m keeping busy with work or just busy things around the house. I get nervous if I sit too much, plus I can’t seem to keep my concentration for very long. I think I am getting along a little better, but it’s hard to tell. I think of you all the time and I miss you every day. Random memories of our lives pop into my head all day. I don’t cry as much, but when I do, it’s a gusher. I never knew how much pain there would be while grieving. I never knew how much it would affect every little piece of my life. I never knew I would feel so disconnected from the “real” world.
I hope you know how much I love you and I wish I had loved you more when we were together. I wish I had cherished you then as much as I cherish the memories now. I hope you know that you saved my life. I can’t imagine what I would be like today if it had not been for you and your amazing love. Because of you, I became a better person. Now I find I am searching again, looking for who I need to be now, looking for a purpose in my life. I still don’t understand why you were taken from me.
Remember how wonderful it was in the beginning when we had nothing? We were so happy to be together. We didn’t care about living paycheck to paycheck. We were amazing together. I look at some of our old pictures and I’m in awe of how beautiful you were, and so sweet and gentle. I am so blessed to have spent so much of my life with you.