Last Monday in August

I don’t know why I haven’t written for so long. I guess I have been healing in different ways. I’ve begun working out again and that seems to help a bit. I have seen an old friend or two, but I still feel awkward in social situations. I just don’t feel like I belong anymore or anywhere. When it was Lynn and me, anyplace was the right place and anything was the right thing. Now it’s just me. I don’t have any inclination towards finding another love. I wouldn’t mind some companionship and I have to tell you, I miss sex a lot. I know what it means to have the love of your life, and that’s the problem. I still have my life, but I don’t have that love in my life, at least physically. Of course I still deeply love Lynn, but it changes after death. The love I have continues to change and transform into something that doesn’t include the physical. But I miss that physical side so much. The touch, the voice, the presence, the smile, the exchange. I can never have that again, so I don’t see the point in even trying. No one else will ever be Lynn, or know me the way she did, or love me the way she did. And in turn, I will never love anyone else the way I loved her. So how does one move through life knowing this? I don’t know. I continue to have faith that God will provide me some purpose and meaning in my life.

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