First Anniversary

It was a year ago today that Lynn left this world. It was a year ago today that my life changed forever. It is hard for me to understand that a year is gone. The ache in my heart is still constant, and my heart still can’t quite accept that she is never coming back. Yet, I am happy to be a year closer to being with my love again.

People talk about the difficulty of anniversaries. Lynn’s birthday and our wedding anniversary were very emotional and difficult for me. This day was not as bad as I anticipated. It’s the day she was taken from me, the day she met the glory of the afterlife. I mourn my loss and still feel the daily pain and confusion. My emotions and grief are subtly changing to acceptance, which is no less difficult, just different. I am finding a deeper yearning for what once was, and a deeper loneliness. Each day presents another version of life without Lynn, another reminder that I can never again have the love and intimacy that we shared. The weight of these thoughts are not as daunting as the realization of being alone and wondering why I am here, just going about the routine of daily life.

A friend told me that Lynn would be proud of my efforts to heal this past year. I know that if Lynn could talk to me, she would tell me to stop worrying about everything and get going again. She would be upset that I had shed so many tears and continue to mourn. She was always stronger that I. Her spirit and strength will need to carry me a little farther down this road.

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