I recently met a woman who had lost her husband about 14 months ago, around the same time I lost Lynn. She was starting to date again, and had met someone through an online dating site. I asked her how she was able to move on so soon and her answer was that she just knew she didn’t want to be alone. She and her husband had been married about 10 years before he died, and he was her second husband. I can’t imagine finding someone and starting a new relationship. I am still deeply in love with Lynn and don’t want a replacement. Time will tell if I will need to start looking for a new someone. I can tell you that I miss conversation and companionship, and I miss physical intimacy. I could share those things with a special woman, but I’m not thinking about a relationship. I’m not sure I want to invest in another deep love because the pain is so great when you lose it. I’m not sure I could go through this again.
Over analyzing as I do, I have to ask about all the factors at play here. Is there a gender difference in dealing with loss? Do women get past losses sooner than men? Are women pressured more by society to have a partner? Does the length of a relationship before a loss have a direct correlation to the amount of time it takes to get over that loss? Do men have a harder time admitting they need someone? Are men afraid of fully committing again? Or, does the heart just know the right time? Is this another way of saying that God will tell me when it’s time? Sometimes I just want the Lord to take control and give me a fews days off. I don’t want to have to make every single decision, every minute of every day. But, I do. I am breaking new trail every day. Some days the trail is uphill, sometimes it is downhill, and sometimes it is level. I’m just grateful to be hiking.